I’m so happy to be married to Matthew. I’m aware of how lucky I am, and I know that no matter what, I would choose him over and over again.
Marriage has been a wonderful experience. If I’m honest, our lives are essentially the same. We still live in the same house, we still have similar routines. But somehow being married has strengthened the emotional bond that we have together. It brings an entirely new dynamic to the relationship, a profound idea that, yes, I chose this person to spend the rest of my life with. It’s not a feat that should be taken lightly. But I’m blissfully happy that I did.
The best part about being an eternally committed relationship with someone is learning to find balance. I don’t like to use the word compromise, because it indicates that one person has to give up something in order to make their partner happy. So far, I haven’t had to give up anything. We make decisions together less with compromise and more with collaboration. We work together to achieve an end goal should we disagree. Which rarely happens.
Trouble In Paradise
What troubles me about other relationships I see is there is often a sense of one person being superior to the other. One person “wear the pants”. Mr. Always Right and Happy Wife, Happy Life seem to have taken over the the idea of marriage.
These ideas literally make me cringe when I see or hear them. And I genuinely get offended if someone says that’s how our relationships is.
Romantic partnerships should not be about leading and following. I can’t imagine ruling or serving someone for the rest of my life. That’s just not how I work. As far as I’m concerned, it’s the exact opposite of what a relationship should be.
I don’t want to wear the pants. I don’t want to always be right. I never want to compromise Matt’s happiness for my own.
Compromise vs Collaboration
So how can we find more balance in our relationships right now? By changing our mindset. By recognizing that our relationship is about more than just give and take. It’s about being happy together.
The next time you and your partner disagree heavily on something, step back and look at the big picture. The end goal of any disagreement should broadly be that both parties are happy. So how do you work together to get to that point?
You shouldn’t cringe at the idea of going to a Josh Groban concert with your wife; you should be happy that you’re accompanying her to something she really wants to do. See the difference? In the first instance, you’re giving up something you want to do in order to do something your partner wants to do. In the second instance, you’re joining your partner on a new adventure.
Don’t focus on the negative when you’re looking for balance. Don’t make the experience miserable by openly displaying your disagreement. These types of reactions often come from compromising.
Learn to collaborate together to reach a decision. Work together toward your end goal and you’ll find that both the journey and the outcome will be enjoyable.